Ramblings of a Teenaged Boy

After years of neglect, I have decided to grace this blog once again with my presence. Whether if it was the example of my friends or merely the guilt of leaving this blog unattended, I cannot say, but it has indeed inspired me to get off my lazy bum and write.

Looking back at some of my previous posts, it feels like so long ago since I entered high school. In that one post, I identified certain aspects of it that are rather ironic. First off, I noticed the myriad grammatical errors in it (although this one is bound to be filled with them as well), and was surprised that my sisters have not rubbed that in more. Next, I no longer feel that Cupertino High School (which I will now refer to as "Tino") is very big at all now. I have been to other high school campuses now, and combined with a more intimate knowledge of the layout of Tino, It no longer feels so grand or impressive. Another point, many of my friends have caught up with me in height, and may indeed surpass me in the near future. However desperately I pray for those few more inches, it seems God's will is to keep me at 5'8" for a while. A final irony in that post is that I no longer use my locker. This year, it seems as though the office decided to put my locker in the most inconvenient place possible. It is so far from my classes, that I don't even bother using it, and I hardly notice the difference now.

High school has changed academically as well now. So much emphasis is put on standardized testing. Sometimes it seems like some of my peers live to obtain the highest scores, as if that will unlock all of their dreams. Whenever I try to get into the "2400 or die" mentality, I think "why?" Now, I'm not saying that its bad to aim for a high SAT score, but I feel that I can't do that without knowing what I want to do with my life. Without that in mind, I am only taking the tests and classes for the sake of taking them, and not as a means to achieve a future goal. Without an end, the means seem so pointless. This mindset makes it exceedingly difficult to plot a path for my future, and choosing classes this year was indeed extremely terrifying. With no career in mind, I had no idea what classes would be useful for me in the future. In the end, I succumbed to the pressure of my academically inclined friends to challenge myself with incredibly hard AP classes. Since then, not a day goes by that I do not question whether or not I made the right choices for my classes.

That brings us to Colleges. Sometimes, I wonder, who are they to judge who amongst us qualifies to join their institutions? Is that piece of paper they give you really the key to success in life? What judges success? The money you make? The influence you hold? The pleasure you derive from your time on this earth? Will a different name on your diploma make that much of a difference? Institutions of higher learning just lead me to question what exactly is needed later on in life. Now for some people with dreams in mind, such as a few of my friends who wish to start a medical practice together, a degree is necessary. But for those like me, who are not sure about what they want to do yet, is 4 years and some Ivy League school needed? Currently the only reasons I can come up with to attempt to get into an ivy league school are: Ego, my family would love it, and the networks would come in handy for some sort of political career.

Currently, it feels like instead of concentrating on the SATs I should be considering what the heck I want to do with my life. I have no real ambitions, nor am I exceptionally talented at anything. I have no real passion for anything, unless one could find a career in chatting online. If I don't know the destination, finding my way is going to be hard.

Now enough about academics, I don't want that to be all of my life. Another fairly large part of my life is being a part of the Boy Scouts of America (I don't expect you to understand everything in this paragraph). Now no offense to other troops out there, but Asian troops in general seem to have much stricter standards for advancement. I've seen other troops pump out 8th grade eagle scouts, while my own troop occasionally holds people back for going too fast. Now I'll be the first to admit that I've taken my time, but recently it seems like the process has been made to be slow on purpose. If I were to not get the rank of Eagle Scout, I would be extremely disappointed (I have 20 months left! 3 more merit badges, some community service, and hopefully I can be done).

Onto friends. Without these people, I don't know what I would be doing. These are the people who push me to do try however much I try in school. I'm so glad that I chose to hang out with them because without them, I could probably care less about how I do in school, and just do nothing all day. I appreciate them all, and enjoy all of their quirks and oddities. Now the thing is, I know how I feel about my friends, but I don't exactly know what they feel about me. Sometimes questions pop into my head like "How close are we?" or "Are they my friend? Or do we just hang out with the same people." One person I felt I was fairly close to turned out to not feel we were close friends at all, which lead to some weirdness. In the end, I can only trust my friends and pray that they feel the same way about me.

However, no matter how much I care for my friends, it’s inevitable that our situations will change. We will age, we will meet other people, and we will change in ways that are impossible to predict. To assume that all friendships would stay the same forever would be a folly. But, there will always be friends that will be there for me, and I believe that I have friends that I can stick with for a long time. The real test in keeping these friendships will be going out of my way to keep in contact, and when conflict arises to be the bigger person and say sorry. Not that I always do these things (In fact, I'm not doing that second part right now) but I wish I could to keep all my friends.

Now finally, there is family. I love my family very much. It consists of a generous mother who spends a ridiculous amount of time volunteering, a father who works hard to provide for his family and employees, and two older sisters that I annoy in order to express my love. Now we all get on each other’s nerves on occasion, but we always make up in the end. Despite this love though, a large part of my life has been spent with members of my family away. My father spends a large amount of time in Asia, amassing untold numbers of frequent flier miles. Some years, it seems as if he spends more time in Taiwan and China than he does in the United States. Lydia (the oldest sister) left for college when I was a wee lad of 8, back when I thought it was so easy to get into college, as if getting into Berkley was something to be expected, to be taken for granted. Jodi left when I was 12, going all the way to New York, way too far to visit on the weekend. Before my sisters left, I did not really get to know too much about them as people. I just thought they were annoying siblings that were allowed to do things I wasn't allowed to do just because they were older. Now I realize that I missed out on getting to know two of the most amazing women who will ever be in my life while they were in high school. Whenever someone tells me how much they can't wait for their older sibling to move out, I feel sad, because I know that its only when they are gone that you really miss and love them.

Now I realize that my thoughts have been rambling on for about an hour now. I'm not exactly sure how to end this. High school is such a life changing experience. Intellectually I can conceive that high school is in fact almost over, but in my heart I feel like these years will last forever. I’ve had so much fun with my friends, and learned a lot from teachers that I respect. So many experiences that it feels like I've experienced lifetimes, though it breaks my heart to know that I will live to forget so many of the people and memories that have made this part of my life so special already. I thank God for all the people that he has placed into my life.

Now before you leave, here is a random bible verse that I like:
"I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all."
-Ecclesiastes 9:11

(P.S. Jodi and Lydia, are my blog posts better now?)